Today I tried to get some money out of my company account and pay it into my personal account. I started on the internet using my bank's internet banking system.

Step 1: Complete a transfer of funds from my company to my personal account
Bank Response: Sorry, this is not permitted in terms of the RBZ rules

Step 2: Set my personal account up as a ‘payee’ in my company account
Response: Accepted

Step 3: Make a bill payment to myself
Response: My ‘payee’ account does not appear in my list of payees. Ergo I cannot complete a bill payment.

Step 4: Set myself up as an employee and pay myself a ‘salary’
Response: Accepted.

Step 5: Pay myself a salary payment
Response: Sorry, this is not permitted in terms of the RBZ rules

Step 6: Get in my car and go to the bank
Response: Arrived safe and sound

Step 7: Ask to draw cash (new permissable value of $1 million =US$3 at today’s cash)
Response: Sorry, we have no cash left

Step 8: Make out cheque withdrawal form
Response: Sorry, we have run out of cheques

Step 9: Get in my car and drive over the nearest cliff
Response: Sorry, this is not permitted in terms of the RBZ rules